Let me state, right off the bat, that I’m no Lynne Truss. I don’t roam the land, armed with a magic marker, correcting apostrophes. Not that I haven’t been tempted, mind. I’m sure it is no coincidence that a street-wide banner in our town, proclaiming IT’S A DICKEN’S OF A CHRISTMAS, fell down during a wind storm. Every time I drove under it, I muttered imprecations and wished it evil. Definitely not a coincidence: just the Grammar Gods answering my prayers. Mirabile dictu, when the banner went back up, the offending apostrophe had been removed. (If you don’t know which one I mean, you probably should not be reading this blog!)
I get it that English is a living language and must move with the times. It’s not as if it hasn’t changed over the millennia. After all, who among us can understand a word of Chaucer in the original? (Okay, smartypants, sit down. It was a rhetorical question!) But I cannot and will not accept that writers can just make up spelling as they go. The rules of grammar may be somewhat flexible; remember when a split infinitive made you shuffle uneasily, waiting for lightning to strike? Which reminds me, I have a rather quaint story about that. Back in the days of steam, during a previous life as an executive secretary, I walked into an all-male meeting (carrying a tray of coffee; how else would I gain admission?) just as my boss burst out “We’ll just have to fucking go over it again!” Shock, horror, red faces all around the table. (I did say this was back in the days of steam, right?) Without missing a beat, Yours Truly, unflappable Girl Friday, pipes up, “Mr D, you really must stop splitting your infinitives.”
But I digress. However flexible grammar may be, as far as I’m concerned the rules of spelling – reluctantly excluding strange American habits like subtracting ‘u’ from words like ‘colour’ and adding syllables to words like ‘preventive’ – are immutable. So I’m mad as a wet cat last Monday when I see, in a so-called quality magazine, ’shoe-in’ for ’shoo-in,’ ‘pouring over’ for ‘poring over,’ ‘bellweather’ for ‘bellwether,’ and ‘momento’ for ‘memento.’ Did somebody declare November 30th National Stupid Day and forget to send me the memo?
Disclaimer: No apostrophes were harmed in the making of this post. Any spelling errors are deliberate.
On the great scale of ‘Terminally Stupid’ to ‘Genius’ I occupy the lower-middle ground at best. Yet life feels more and more like a losing battle against the truly moronic and wilfully ignorant of this world.
Oh dear, Andrew! If someone as young as you are thinks we’re fighting a losing battle, then things really are bad, aren’t they? And here I was, thinking it was just my inner old lady railing about the tide of ignorance that’s rapidly coming in.
I love Lynne Truss! Have you read her novels, or perhaps they’re really novellas? I digress. There is nothing that cheers me up more than reading “With One Lousy Free Packet of Seed”. Ah, well. Instead of being up so late reading, I should be in bed snogging.
No! I never knew she writes novels. Must look out for some. Hmm – reading vs snogging in bed? No contest!
A sign posted on a moving sidewalk through an impressive marine exhibit here in New Zealand (where I happen to be at the moment) said: NO LAYING DOWN”. I wondered whether I should try to find some person in charge and try to explain transitive and intransitive verbs. I decided against it.
I made the decision, shortly after I came to Canada, to try to speak like the natives. So I say tomayto, rather than tomahto, and I’ve finally come around to “gotten,” rather than “got.” But I will never, never, never get used to “lay” instead of “lie.” It just drives me crazy. (And I’m gob-smacked when I hear some people say “boughten!” That’s the primrose path “gotten” has led them down.)
I’ve been known to split infinitives for dramatic effect but fie on those who put apostrophes where they don’t belong. “A Dicken’s of a Christmas” is one of the most gruesomely funny examples yet. To your list of all-too-common misspellings I must add “antidote” for “anecdote.” Amazing how often that one crops up.
I’ve not seen that one, so far, thank goodness. My favourite bugaboo is “forward” for “foreword.” I’ve lost count of the times I’ve seen it.
My stupid cell phone texting habit is ruining my spelling. Do u no what I M sayN?
Funnily enough, I think texting provides some amazingly creative words. It’s the stupid bloody auto-correct on iPhone that drives me nuts!
Oh dear. I’m afraid to comment.
LOL@MLS. Thanks to her, I’m fluent in typos.
Nothing to fear here, my dear (mwa-ha-ha-ha). Seriously, I’ll try not to channel my father, who used to send me back my letters from boarding-school with the mis-spellings circled in red!
Ah, only yesterday I had occasion to scold a young British friend who wrote “alright”.
I spent years in American public (= state) school practising all right already all right already all right already only to find that the OED is okay with the one L version of all right.
It is perfectly true that the great advantage of the English language is its extraordinary ability to change and adapt. I’m pretty sure that already was once all ready. Even though I know that must be so, I wince at alright.
When the lambs lay die with the lion, I’ll probably get over it.
The desert sands could freeze and the camels come skating home, and I still would not accept ‘lay’ instead of ‘lie.’
Now you have got me start! The English is so confusing enough without people who make the mistakes such as “tow the line” and “reign in the enthusiasts” and “she left an inedible mark on history.” How am I suppose to know when I am make a mistake when so many supposing English people can’t not speak it properly themself?!
Besos
Manuel